This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
