So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
