I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
