I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
