pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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