Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Barsexuality is the new black.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I yelled at your uterus for you.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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