cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
