is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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