the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
