hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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