I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I got inside last night via doggy door
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
