apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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