I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
