U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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