I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
