is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
