I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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