Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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