One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
