I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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