All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Randomize
