i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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