I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
