I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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