Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
