Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
