maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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