I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
she looked like the before picture.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We were destined to go to rehab together
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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