that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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