How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
