We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
