Joe is yelling at the trees again.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
