Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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