At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Randomize
