First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
