It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
