Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Randomize
