Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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