what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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