First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
So much Jack, so little girl.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
