8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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