and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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