I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
