If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
