Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
