go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
