3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
so that wasnt chicken after all
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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