"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Randomize
