so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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