I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
