so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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