i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
