So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
