Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
My vagina just clenched in fear
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
